My senior manager and I boozed together. What followed after that was fascinating.

Here's how to win the 'People' Game

Sep 12, 2024

I’ll never forget that 2018 team outing when my senior manager, after a few drinks, opened up to me—sharing leadership insights and secrets.

His words resonated, and as I shared my own thoughts.

The next day, I expected things to feel awkward, but we picked up right where we left off.

Over time, we became casual and friendly. We discussed projects. I shared my advice on solving bigger problems.

Then he started involving me in key meetings. Soon after, I was leading a high-priority project. 🙌

Of course, it wasn’t just the newly built relationship—but also the trust he had in my past successes.

That moment taught me a powerful lesson—relationships matter more than anything else.

Today, I’m going to share how to build people connections beyond just technical skills that can open doors to your next promotion.

👋 Hey there, I am Gourav. I write about Engineering, Productivity, Thought Leadership, and the Mysteries of the mind!

It’s About People, Not Politics

As a senior engineer, you’ve likely heard, “What got you here won’t take you to the next level.” — You feel its real impact hits when you start to grow in your role.

Career growth beyond the senior level seems to mean scaling your influence and solving bigger problems. But many engineers hit a wall. They've spent years honing their tech skills. But people skills are a whole different ballgame.

They struggle to build relationships with people, and it becomes their toughest hurdle.

They shy away, mistaking relationship-building for politics ❌. But there’s a difference between playing games and building real trust.

Here’s how to build real connections at work.🤝

🌟 Become a vent.

Most people miss the fact that the folks you work with aren’t just colleagues—they’re human, like you.

They have work stress, life stress, and family issues. They too feel overwhelmed, have insecurities, and sometimes need someone to open up to.

If you provide them with that space to vent and talk without judgment, and you listen attentively, people will feel heard and will then open up. They will start trusting you, respecting you, and may even follow you. 🙌

Here’s what I do:

✅ I talk to people about ‘life’ outside of work.
1. I try to dig into what they care about, what makes them tick, and what hurdles they are facing in both their personal and professional lives.
✅ I give them my undivided attention.
1. When they open up, I listen to their issues without thinking about my own next sentence.
✅ I care for folks with sincerity.
1. I often ask them: “Is everything okay at home?” or “How’s your kid doing now?”.

Be genuine in all your interactions — people see through a fake act. Allow some space for others to speak their hearts out.

🌟 The Psychological Power of Face Time

While remote and hybrid work is an amazing perk, nothing beats those in-person moments.

It's because, psychologically, you gain a deeper understanding of someone by watching their body language, speech, movements, and reactions to jokes.

I often found that my assumptions about others changed after meeting them. Just talking made us both more comfortable.

For example, I once thought about an engineer being rude ❌. But after talking to them, I understood them better.🚀

Here’s what I do:

✅ When working remotely, I find opportunities to meet people.
1. I try to find common ground and make plans to meet in person outside work. Maybe they love catching up over a coffee, or they’re a huge fan of sci-fi movies. There are plenty of opportunities to meet.
2. I never miss team summits or joint meetups organized by the company.
✅ When in the office or meeting in person, I share a laugh 😆:
1. If I am at the coffee machine or at a party-boozing together in happy hours — I tell a funny story or share my vulnerabilities. That way, they get to know me and I get to know them by how they react.
2. I once told my peer that “I don’t feel like working today because the coffee machine isn’t working” and we clicked instantly.
3. Recently, I also learned how my peer makes money doing options trading. :)

Being brave enough to open up can be difficult, but if you want to develop genuine and honest connections, you need to learn to be vulnerable.

🌟 Solve leaders’ problems and make it their win.

When was the last time you solved a problem that wasn’t just technical, but helped to ease the burden on your leaders? Probably never. ❌

Once my manager told me about a micro-service we inherited that had become a liability.
It wasn’t a deep technical issue; it was draining resources and keeping him up at night. I saw it as an opportunity to solve his problem.
I worked on it, identified the cause of the alerts, and fixed it within a week. The team's operational workload shrank significantly.
When my manager’s manager got to know that, he appreciated him.
In the email chain, I thanked him for hunting the right problems. I didn't reveal that I solved the problem behind the scenes. 💪

Helping others solve their problems creates connections. These connections strengthen your leadership presence.

This is how you build loyalty, and more importantly, show that you care about solving the right problems and have an inner desire to help.

Here’s what I do:

✅ I have regular 1:1s with my manager, project leads, and key stakeholders.
1. I go beyond surface-level talk and ask about their real challenges: What’s keeping you up at night? What’s making your job harder?
✅ I follow through promises.
1. When someone shares a problem, I take action and circle back with progress updates.
✅ I offer help.
1. I tell them that I can take their on-call duties while they take some time off.
2. If it’s my leadership chain, about what I can take off their plate. For example, I once relieved my manager of a few follow-up duties on 2 projects and it made him find some slack.
✅ I celebrate their wins.
1. I acknowledge the hard work and successes of those around me. Even if I have contributed to their win, I make it sound like their win. 🙌