Techies are Drowning in Stress! Here's how to survive in this economy.

Deep Struggles behind the scenes and potential solutions

Nik (name changed) was a solid mid-level software engineer on my team. However, when challenging problems at work came up, he would pull away, scared of failing and what others might think. He couldn’t express himself clearly, and the pressure of performing well was wearing him down.

One day, Nik’s pull request was met with a flood of comments. Already behind schedule, he DM’ed me on Slack:

"Can you please approve my PR? Everyone expects me to deliver fast, and I'm losing time."🕒

It was clear he hadn’t fully thought through the problem, which was why he was struggling. Concerned, I asked him:

“Why are you so stressed and didn’t do it right the first time?”

He quickly admitted:

"I’m dealing with sleep issues, demotivation, and depression due to work. I’m terrified of layoffs, worried about not meeting expectations, and constantly anxious about what others think. It’s affecting my work” 😓

He added, “Even when I’m not on my screen, my mind is still at work. It feels like I’m always working, never resting, yet I’m unsure about my performance. It’s becoming counter-productive."

I knew Nik outside of work—he had a loving family, good enough savings, and a support system in place. Yet, his mind was consumed by anxiety, fear of losing his job, and the constant worry about others’ opinions.

This is a struggle many of us face, fueled by misguided beliefs, wrong principles, and a lack of critical thinking. It’s no wonder that we're seeing a disturbing rise in heart attacks and strokes among young professionals in their 20s and 30s due to ever-increasing tensions. 💔

In today’s newsletter, I’ll share what I’ve learned about these deep-rooted issues in my career by sharing few examples and offer strategies to help you:

• Break free from toxic thoughts and beliefs.

• Overcome fear of performance expectations and layoffs.

• Face and handle complex problems at work.

👋 Hey there, I am Gourav. I write about Engineering, Productivity, Thought Leadership, and the Mysteries of the mind!

1. Break Free from Toxic Thoughts and Beliefs

Each time Nik’s manager offered direct feedback, he saw it as a shadow of impending failure—a threat of getting placed on a Performance Improvement Plan (PIP). ⚠️

Though his manager was doing his part, he was unaware of how Nik was interpreting the feedback. Over time, Nik’s insecurities quietly grew stronger.

So, whenever he faced challenging problems that required timely deep dive, his fears and worries would dictate his uncoordinated actions, often resulting in unwanted outcomes. 🌀

I’ve been there too. I remember designing a flawed system under changing requirements and beating myself up for it. Instead of learning from feedback, I let negative beliefs take over. 😞

Root Cause ♨️

1. As Ray Dalio explains in his book Principles, our actions are driven by our beliefs and values. If we dwell on negative thoughts—like missing deadlines—we begin to believe we’re not good enough. 🚧

2. The more we dwell on negativity, the stronger those neural pathways become. Over time, these beliefs deepen and control our actions, habits and destiny. 🧠

How to overcome this? ⚡

Monitor your thoughts and remember—they don’t define you — you can distance yourself from them as separate entities. It helped me focus on taking action — fixing my design, when I messed up. 🔄

In practice:

1. Meditation helps manage your thoughts and brings clarity.. You can focus on your breadth, a godly Image or just empty space while sitting in quite place.

2. Focussing on gratitude and acknowledging existing skills, knowledge, and financial stability you’ve achieved goes a long way towards building positive neural pathways.

2. Overcome Fear of Layoffs

Layoffs have become a constant threat in tech. Over 124,000 employees have lost jobs in 2024 across 384 companies (at the time of writing this). Nik’s fear of layoffs was shared by many, and I’ve felt it too—especially during my time at Coinbase in 2022.

With ever-increasing expectations of high performance, it’s hard to focus on work.

Root Cause ♨️

1. After attending a few mindfulness sessions, I understood that this fear often comes from our brain’s tendency to jump to conclusions that we’re next in line.

2. We tend to over-index on hardships if the worst case has to happen. Many talk about saving for early retirement, they forget that these savings can also serve as a crucial safety net during tough times. 🛟 💼

How to overcome this? ⚡

Do your best work and prepare for worst rather than constantly worrying about it. The true job safety is knowing that you will get another job and can use your hard-earned money during tough times.

In practice:

1. Learn to pick highest-impacting projects wisely while focussing on elevating your skills, staying current with the latest technologies. 🎯

2. If you’ve saved enough to cover 6-12 months of expenses and kept your skills sharp, a layoff won’t keep you down for long. Don’t worry — AI is far from replacing us.💡

3. Facing and Handling Complex Problems at Work

Early in my career, I often avoided complex problems, thinking others were better suited to solve them—especially when it came to messy operational issues.

I remember finding a kernel memory issue as a junior engineer and threw it under the rug because I didn’t have anything to talk. I can empathize with Nik’s situation.

Root Cause ♨️

1. I was afraid of being judged for not knowing the solution. This fear paralyzed my growth. 🛑

2. When I discussed it with my mentor, she pointed out that this fear stemmed from a lack of confidence and a need to protect my image.

How to Overcome This ⚡

Over time, I learned to embrace challenging situations, seeing them as "interesting problems to solve." This mindset shift built my expertise and confidence.🔍💪

In practice:

1. Face problems head-on. Initially, it was uncomfortable and often required extra hours, but it paid off. I became more efficient at spotting patterns and finding solutions. While every problem is unique, I found that breaking them into smaller parts and tackling each step-by-step is key. 🌀

2. Admit when you don't know something. I was surprised that exposing my vulnerabilities opened doors for help and new perspectives without folks judging me. This shows that most of the times our mind make up stuff. People are more forgiving than we think, and saying, "I don’t know," invites valuable insights.☀️

Shoutouts 🔊

1. Should you Start a Startup? by

   Luca Rossi

2. Nobody Is Watching — The Spotlight Effect by

   Steve Huynh

3. How to say "No" and win back your time as a software engineer by

   Jordan Cutler

4. Why It Takes Forever to “Get to Staff” by

   Akash Mukherjee

5. How I went from Tech Lead → Engineering Management by

   Caleb Mellas

🤝 Let’s Connect

Sponsorship | Collaboration | LinkedIn | 1:1 Mentoring | Twitter

Gourav Khanijoe