A Compilation of My Lifetime Performance Reviews Critical Feedbacks

How Critical Feedbacks Shaped My Leadership Journey

I’ll be honest—sharing my vulnerabilities isn’t easy. 😅 I thought long and hard about whether to write this article, but I decided to give it a shot. If even one person reading this can benefit from my experiences, it will be worth it. 🙌

Throughout my career, I’ve been through countless performance reviews. While I’ve received both positive and constructive feedback, there are a few pieces of advice that truly stand out. Addressing them transformed my career and leadership skills in profound ways. 💡

In today’s edition, I’m sharing the top five critical pieces of feedback I received and how I tackled each one. Please shower some love and share with your friends if you like it! 💖

👋 Hey there, I am Gourav. I write about Engineering, Productivity, Thought Leadership, and the Mysteries of the mind!

Thank you for your kind support and love on my previous article.

1. Influence Without Authority

What Was I Doing Wrong?❗

When I first got promoted to a Mid-Senior Engineer in my career, I felt I was in power. Instead of acknowledging others' opinions, I imposed my own. ❌

I remember when a junior engineer, Sam, once questioned a code comment I had made. I was baffled and my ego flared—how could someone question their senior's comment? - I thought 🤔

The Feedback 📮

"You’re leading by asserting power," my manager said, "not by guiding others with respect and collaboration."

That hit me hard. 💥 I was causing friction in the team, and junior engineers were second-guessing their contributions because they feared my reaction. ❌

That night, I couldn’t sleep, replaying conversations in my head—realizing how often I shut down differing opinions and pushed my agenda. 😔

How I Addressed It 🚀

• I confided in my mentor, who encouraged me to talk to Sam. When I did, I realized he was right. I apologized and admitted my ego had blinded me to his valid points. ✅

• Over time, I embraced the idea that I didn’t always have the best answers. I encouraged others to lead discussions and share perspectives. I started asking others to lead sprint ceremonies and share their viewpoints. This created space for diverse perspectives to emerge. 🗣️💬 ✅

Key Takeaway 🌟

True leadership isn’t about control. It’s about influence— understanding, and guiding others by example, and not due to formal authority.

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2. Active Listening

What Was I Doing Wrong?❗

During strategy discussions or critical reviews, I had a habit of interrupting others the moment they opposed my ideas. ❌

I wasn’t listening to understand—I was waiting for my turn to speak, cutting people off mid-sentence to push my justifications.

The Feedback 📮

In a 1:1, the senior engineer told me, “You’re smart, but it seems like you’ve already decided what the other person is going to say, and you’re just waiting to jump in.”🎯

It was then raised during my review. I felt a mix of frustration and embarrassment. 😳 I thought I was being efficient, but the reality was that I wasn’t listening actively. ❌

How I Addressed It 🚀

• I read the book 📖 You're Not Listening and realized that real listening isn’t just about hearing words—it’s about making people feel understood. I had to train myself to shift my mindset from trying to win a conversation to trying to understand it.🤝

• One of the most challenging changes I made was to satisfy my urge to speak by taking notes during meetings. When I felt the impulse to interrupt, I’d write down my thoughts instead. This gave me the space to listen fully. 📝 ✅

• I also made it a rule to be the last person to speak. The change was tough. But, it improved things. The discussions became richer, and people opened up more. 💡 ✅

Key Takeaway 🌟

Active listening is an underrated leadership skill. It’s about understanding, not just responding. When you listen with intent, you create space for better ideas and deeper connections.

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3. Content Over Consensus

What Was I Doing Wrong?❗

I wanted everyone to agree before moving forward with any major project. I thought this would produce better results, but instead, it led to endless meetings and stalled progress. ✖️

One complex project suffered because of this. I kept revisiting the same conversations, trying to get everyone's approval. As a result, we lost weeks of valuable time.⏳ ❌

The Feedback 📮

I got this in performance review - "You’re spending too much time trying to get consensus. It’s stalling execution. You would benefit from getting consent, not consensus." 🛑

At first, I struggled because I had always believed that getting everyone to agree was key to effective collaboration.

But my manager explained that leadership isn’t about making sure everyone is happy with every decision. It’s about moving forward with the right intent, even if not everyone is fully on board.

How I Addressed It 🚀

• I began breaking projects into smaller phases, seeking consent to prototype early ideas instead of pushing for full alignment upfront. 💡 ✅

• One example was a critical backend payment processor project. Rather than waiting for everyone to agree, I secured permission to build a small proof of concept. ✅

• I got buy-in in my project when the prototype results spoke for itself and over time, even skeptics came on board. ♨️

Key Takeaway 🌟

Leadership often requires making progress without universal agreement. Aim for forward momentum and allow the results to speak for themselves, rather than waiting for everyone to be on the same page.

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4. Scaling Myself

What Was I Doing Wrong?❗

I fell into the "do it yourself" trap. I was a fast coder and thought taking on tasks directly was the quickest way to get things done. ❌

But this led to burnout, and my team wasn’t growing because I wasn’t giving them the space to contribute. 🤯

The Feedback 📮

In my performance review, my manager didn't mince words. He told me, “Gourav, you need to scale yourself.” ❌ This wasn’t a surprise to me, I immediately agreed.

How I Addressed It 🚀

• I deliberately slowed down myself and instead started mentor others more. I would delegate tasks that I could have easily done on my own. ✅

• At first, it was frustrating—watching others take longer than I would have—but I resisted the urge to jump in. ☑️

• Slowly, I saw progress. Engineers began growing in confidence, delivering better results, and stepping into leadership roles. 🏆 ✅

• Finally, I led a project with a 12-engineer team on a major payments project, which we delivered on schedule and it resulted in several members earning promotions. 🎉 ✅

Key Takeaway 🌟

Scaling yourself requires slowing down to speed up. By mentoring, delegating, and trusting your team, you create a culture of growth and collaboration that extends beyond your own individual contributions.

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5. Clear, Crisp, Actionable Communication

What Was I Doing Wrong?❗

I’ve always been a talker, often over-explaining. In meetings, I would give excessive context and over-justify my points, which confused people instead of clarifying. ❌

During a wider team meeting, I was asked for a brief update but I ended up providing a long-winded explanation, and noticed I was losing everyone’s attention halfway through. 🤦‍♂️

The Feedback 📮

In my performance review, my manager pointed out that my communication needs to get to the point and be direct and actionable. ❌

He recommended I read the book Simply Said, which focused on delivering clear, concise, and impactful communication. That recommendation was a turning point for me.

How I Addressed It 🚀

• I started reading the book, and it was a revelation. It taught me that effective communication about conveying what matters to others succinctly.

• One interesting fact is that I am still addressing that feedback. One practice that I have incorporated is that I am writing short reflection pieces on it every Sunday. As I am learning this, I am writing those down and sharing the knowledge with others on how to do it. ✍️ ✅

• My manager and I have observed that my Slack comms have became shorter and more focused, my presentations more engaging, and my conversations more efficient. There is still room for improvement but I am on the right path. 🎯 ✅

Key Takeaway 🌟

Clear, concise communication is a critical skill for any leader. When you cut out the noise and focus on the essentials, your message becomes stronger, and your influence grows. Say less, but mean more.

Shoutouts 🔊

1. Grinding My Way to Work-Life Balance by

   Ryan Peterman
   on ‘A Life engineered’ by
   Steve Huynh

2. Best Mentors in the World Just For You by

   Michał Poczwardowski

3. Senior Engineer or Senior Citizen? How Can Vintage Tech Workers Age Like Fine Wine? by

   Dave Anderson

4. Empathy is a superpower in the engineering industry by

   Gregor Ojstersek

🤝 Let’s Connect

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Gourav Khanijoe